Brian
Brian is the Shopkeeper at Brian's Bazaar Seapost.
Dialogue
BRIAN'S BAZAAR! Be not afraid, simple wanderer! You have entered a world of mysteries and esoteric wonders! The Devil's Pantry! Mephisto's Sock Drawer!
Why is your shop called... oh, wait...
BRIAN'S BAZAAR?! Because dear traveller, whenever people speak of me, that's what they say!
Clearly, demand for a shop was high!
And not just any shop, don't INSULT ME!
This is a seapost! Striding atop legs hewn from sturdy oaks, walking on water, a modern marvel! Even the GODS will GAPE at it!
What WONDERS lie within?!-
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So, you have some fun things for sale?
FUN?! My poor, grog-befouled patron, I sell items of great ESOTERIC SPLENDOUR!
Trinkets from lands consumed by TIME'S PODGY FINGERS! Mysteries found only in Lucifer's Lost and Found!
Captain Flameheart himself would rather stay at home and read the Pirate Times than peek into my bargain bin!
But... I'll show you the more... earthly items. For your own safety.-
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And I suppose you like The Devil's Roar?
I love it! At home, people said my voice was TOO LOUD!
But out here, people can hear me even over the so-called quakes and eruptions!
I LAUGH at the volcanoes! SILLY MOTHER NATURE! TRY HARDER, I DARE YOU, YOU TEMPESTUOUS HARPY!
Mountains of fire? HA! They are merely hills of bothers! Mounds of mild irritation!
Be silent, wailing lava demons, for BRIAN is your MASTER!-
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