Bill Fettucini

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Bill Fettucini
Details
Type	NPC
Location	Mêlée Island
Voice actor	Jess Harnell
Related	Sea of Thieves: The Legend of Monkey Island

Bill Fettucini is an NPC featured in Sea of Thieves: The Legend of Monkey Island. He originates from the Monkey Island series of video games.

Dialogue

Entering The Fantastic Flying Fettucini Brothers Circus for the first time:

Alfredo

I can't believe what I'm hearing! You are so irresponsible.

Bill

Me? You're the one who insisted upon audience participation! People will only take part if there's a big, flashy prize.

Alfredo

But ten thousand Pieces o' Eight? We don't have that kind of money!

Bill

Would you relax? Nobody is actually going to succeed at this. It's impossible.
They'll try, they'll fall, the audience will laugh and everyone will go home happy.

Alfredo

We don't know that it's impossible! And we can't possibly test it ourselves...

Bill

So we find a volunteer! Stop being such a meat-head.

Alfredo

Fish-head!

Bill

Toady!

Alfredo

Weasel!

Bill

Shush! We have company...

Interacting with either Bill or Alfredo after the argument:

Alfredo

Welcome, come in, come in! Your timing, ooh, could not be better.
How would you like a chance to win a prize—

Bill

A grand prize—

Alfredo

A glorious grand prize—

Bill

Of ten thousand Pieces o' Eight—

Alfredo

Or thereabouts—

Bill

By being the first to try our death-defying—

Alfredo

But perfectly safe—

Bill

Mêlée Island Spectacular!

Alfredo

The latest, greatest creation of the amazing, acrobatic—

Bill

Fabulous, flying, phenomenal—

Alfredo

Fettucini Brothers!

Bill

That's us.

Alfredo

When you're ready to become a superstar, talk to my brother Bill about your costume—

Bill

And my brother Alfredo to go through your routine. We'll be ready when you are!

Speaking to Bill after their initial introduction:

You have to be in costume to take part in the Mêlée Island Spectacular! If you don't have that yet, you can pick one up from over there.

 
Why do I need a costume?

Have you never been to the circus? All of the performers are expected to dress up. It adds so much spectacle to our acts!
The most important part of your costume is the safety helmet. That's absolutely non-negotiable for anyone who's being fired from a Fettucini Brothers cannon.
I don't normally use a helmet...
Well you do here! That way you get spared a headache and we get spared an embarrassing and financially debilitating lawsuit!

What's the prize if I win?

It's an unbelievable, unprecedented, life-changing ten thousand Pieces o' Eight! Enough to make all your Mêlée Island dreams come true!
Do you two really have that kind of coin?
Of course we do! I'm insulted you would even think that we would try to cheat you. Now stop bad-mouthing our circus and try the challenge!

Why hold a circus on an island full of pirates?

Pirates and circuses are a perfect fit, that's why! You just have to think about it logically.
Pirates are all about death-defying acts of courage and skill, balancing on narrow beams high in the air and facing down ferocious animals.
But honestly, what pirates love most of all is watching other people make fools of themselves in public. That's why we want to include suck— er, members of the audience.
You can ring that bell all you want, but the challenge doesn't count until you get into costume and put on your safety helmet!

After successfully performing the Mêlée Island Spectacular:

Bill

And the crowd goes wild!

Alfredo

I told you it wasn't impossible! Now what do we do?

Bill

Er, hey, come over here, prego! We need to talk about your prize...
Now see here. I know we said that the grand prize was ten thousand Pieces o' Eight, but—

Alfredo

But we forget to mention the administration fees!

Bill

We did? ...We did! And the mandatory Tri-Island Entertainment tax—

Alfredo

Cannon maintenance charges—

Bill

Costume cleaning—

Alfredo

Voluntary compulsory contribution to the Mêlée Island Circus Orphans Foundation—

Bill

And freight charges. So taking all that into account—

Alfredo

Your prize totals... four hundred and four Pieces o' Eight. I'm so jealous!

(404 Pieces O' Eight Received)

Speaking to Bill after receiving 404 Pieces O' Eight:

Remember, if you want to try and beat your record, you have to put on your costume!

 
Why do I need a costume?

Have you never been to the circus? All of the performers are expected to dress up. It adds so much spectacle to our acts!
The most important part of your costume is the safety helmet. That's absolutely non-negotiable for anyone who's being fired from a Fettucini Brothers cannon.
I don't normally use a helmet...
Well you do here! That way you get spared a headache and we get spared an embarrassing and financially debilitating lawsuit!

What's the prize if I win?

It's an unbelievable, unprecedented, life-changing ten thousand Pieces o' Eight! Enough to make all your Mêlée Island dreams come true!
Do you two really have that kind of coin?
Of course we do! I'm insulted you would even think that we would try to cheat you. Now stop bad-mouthing our circus and try the challenge!

Why hold a circus on an island full of pirates?

Pirates and circuses are a perfect fit, that's why! You just have to think about it logically.
Pirates are all about death-defying acts of courage and skill, balancing on narrow beams high in the air and facing down ferocious animals.
But honestly, what pirates love most of all is watching other people make fools of themselves in public. That's why we want to include suck— er, members of the audience.
You can ring that bell all you want, but the challenge doesn't count until you get into costume and put on your safety helmet!

Appearances

• The Quest for Guybrush

Patch history

• 2.8.5 (August 31, 2023)
  • Introduction.